Whatever the reason, we're going to go out on a limb and say it's never appropriate to try to buy a piece of shit-stained clothing.
Call us old fashioned!
You've almost certainly already heard about the UFC strawweight who lost control of her bowels during a fight last weekend and left the Octagon mat in a much browner state.
Justine Kish is her name and her inability to make it to the bathroom has seen her receive a sponsorship offer from wet wipe company, Dude Wipes, as well as a discretionary bonus from UFC president Dana White for dealing with the embarrassment so gallantly.
Kish lost to Felice Herrig on the UFC Fight Night 112 card, meaning she was only paid her show money ($14,000) and missed out on her $14,000 win money.
But one very strange UFC fan was hoping to reimburse the 29-year-old by purchasing her soiled fight shorts from her which is just about the weirdest thing you'll ever hear.
Kish revealed the disturbing offer in an interview with Submission Radio.
Kish said, as transcribed by Bloody Elbow: "The most lucrative offer I’ve got is someone messaged me and said, ‘hey, we would love to pay’ — because I didn’t get my winnings.
"I would say I returned back with half of what I would have liked to have had, and so the most lucrative was, ‘hey, I would like to buy whatever kind of winnings you lost, I would like to buy your shorts for that same amount to hang them up and blah, blah blah in my man cave.’
"I was like, this is disgusting. There are some really disgusting people out there,” Kish added. “And so they offered me $15,000 for my shorts.
"Some man that wanted a man cave with my shorts – he has like a UFC (shrine). He gave me his name, his email address, all these things. I really don’t want to give too much details, but that was the most lucrative offer and I’m not gonna… I mean, why?
"People are saying, ‘send them over, just go do it.’ I’m like, ‘oh, alright. Well I’ll give him my information, but I don’t see how this is actually real.’"
It's 2017 and people are trying to spend $15,000 on pooey shorts. What the hell is going on with the world?